The Code
by dwparsnip
Summary: Some little drabbles using some phrases from some of my favorite commercials as inspiration. Take a peek inside and see what I mean.
1. You've Used Your Arm as an Ice Scraper

So I watched Molson Canadian's "The Code" commercials on Youtube and inspiration struck. There are four of them and they all start out with, "There's an unwritten code in Canada. If you live by it chances are…" and they go on to list some things. I'm taking phrases from them and using them in these drabble like thingys. For the record, I don't drink beer nor do I condone or encourage it.

MGM owns SGA. Kudos to Molson for such entertaining- and oh so true- commercials.

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><p>John, Rodney, Teyla and Ronon stood in silence in front of the Jumper, each in their own various states of mind at their discovery. John was somewhat unnerved and concerned, wondering just what the Ancients might have had in mind to deal with the problem. Rodney was a little disgusted, more out of it forcing long forgotten memories to surface than anything else. Teyla was reminiscing as well, though unlike Rodney's memories hers brought a smile to her face. Ronon didn't care one way or the other about what he saw… he'd had enough and just wanted to go home.<p>

"So what do we do?" asked Ronon.

Sheppard shrugged his shoulders and Rodney sighed. After another moment Rodney stepped forward, pulled the sleeve of his jacket up over his hand and wiped it back and forth over the Jumper's front window until the thick layer of frost was gone.

He shook the powdery frost from his jacket and gave Sheppard a shrug. "Not the first time I've used my arm as an ice scraper."

A/N: "The Code" part 1- "You've used your arm as an ice scraper."


	2. You've Used a Cheesy Pickup Line

"I do no believe this is wise," said Teyla, her voice stern and her eyes wise with the knowledge that this was going to end badly.

"Relax, Teyla," said John as he leaned back in his chair. They had been waiting nearly five hours for one of Teyla's trading contacts to arrive. After hour two he'd become bored to the point of tears. By the end of hour three he'd realized drastic measures were called for. He'd come up with an idea and spent the next hour and a half talking Rodney into it.

Ordinarily there would be no way that Rodney would do something like it, but John was really lucky that McKay was just as bored as he was.

John watched as Rodney sat down at the table across the room where a voluptuous blond with the biggest blue eyes he'd ever seen had been sitting by herself for close to ninety minutes. The lady smiled at Rodney as he said something, but then out of nowhere her hand moved with a swiftness that impressed John and caught Rodney flush across his left cheek.

The blond jumped up from the table and stormed out of the building leaving Rodney sitting by himself, his hand gingerly rubbing his cheek. It was still beet red when he sat down next to John a few minutes later.

"So what'd you say?" asked John.

Rodney gave his cheek one last comforting stroke and said, "It's not important. What is important is I'm so going to kill you."

John's laugh tapered off rather quickly as he realized he may very well be in serious trouble.

A/N: "The Code" part 2- "You've Used a Cheesy Pickup Line Only Because Your Buddy Dared You."


	3. You've Come Face to Face

Sweat made the palm of his hand slick making it hard to keep a hold on his nine millimeter, especially with the continuous jolting motion caused by him running for his life. He was going to kill Sheppard for leaving him alone in a cave on a strange planet.

Sure he wasn't really alone with two of the planet's scientists- and he used the term 'scientists' very loosely- observing him as he fixed their power generator. And cave was a bit of a misnomer… it was more like a hollow in the base of a hill with a slight overhead outcrop. And the argument could be made that it wasn't really a strange planet with this being the team's fifth trip there in two weeks.

But still!

He finally broke into the clearing that held the Stargate and relief flooded his system when he saw Sheppard, Teyla and Ronon waiting right where they were supposed to be. He found an extra gear and ran faster towards them. As soon as they saw him they went on alert and raised their weapons. He finally collapsed at the base of the DHD, his chest heaving as his team kept their eyes trained on the path.

"What happened, Rodney?" asked Sheppard, though he kept his focus and weapon on the tree line.

Still struggling to take in enough oxygen to live, Rodney struggled to answer. "Mean… big teeth… attacked… chased…"

"What's it like a bear or something?"

Rodney shook his head wildly when Sheppard looked at him.

"Lion?"

There was another shake, and he kept shaking his head as Sheppard rattled off a list of deadly Earth carnivores.

Finally Sheppard asked the question he, Teyla and Ronon had been wondering. "What was it?"

"A bird!" breathed Rodney. He nearly panicked when his team lowered their weapons and turned en masse to affix him with eerily similar looks of incredulity. "A nasty purple bird!" he exclaimed loudly.

"About the size of a penguin, with a big bluish beak, two big teeth, a red ring around its neck and a bunch of yellow feathers on its head that sort of looks like it belongs on the top of a Roman helmet?" said Sheppard.

"Well, yes," replied Rodney warily. He noticed Sheppard's eyes travel a foot or two above his head and he looked up to find the object of their discussion staring at him.

Rodney tried to get up but ended up falling back on his ass as he turned. He scooted along the ground away from the DHD until he brought up solid against Ronon's legs.

"You've got to be kidding, McKay" said Sheppard as he approached the bird. He pointed to it and added, "It's just a bird."

"Watch it, Sheppard…"

Rodney had only gotten that far when the bird snapped at Sheppard's hand. Sheppard, startled by the suddenness of the attack and the unexpected rows of razor sharp teeth residing within the bird's beak, stumbled back until he fell onto his backside and scurried away from the DHD and found himself beside Rodney.

Both men watched as the bird took flight and headed straight for them. It had gotten halfway to them before a red energy bolt hit it head on, leaving nothing but a plume of purple and yellow feathers that floated peacefully to the ground.

Rodney looked to Sheppard, and when the Colonel finally looked at him he repeated in a mocking impression of Sheppard's voice, "It's just a bird."

A/N: "The Code" part 4- "You've Come Face to Face with Some Kind of Freaky Bird."


	4. If Your Buddy's in Trouble

_It's my own fault,_ Sheppard admitted to himself as a third behemoth of a man stood before him. Three men, all over seven feet tall and built out of bone and solid muscle glared at him with slightly feral smiles on their faces. They had full intentions on kicking the crap out of him and he was hard pressed to figure out a way to stop it.

How could he have known the flirtatious, dainty little redhead from figurative heaven had three large, powerful and very protective older brothers?

He should have listened to Rodney, or at the very least he should have gone with him.

'_She's trouble,'_ his friend had said of the enticing lady before going off to try to determine if the power reading the MALP had picked up in the town square was worth the effort. John had simply laughed it off and Rodney had stalked off saying over his shoulder, _'Just remember, Teyla and Ronon are on the other side of town and you're on your own. I won't be coming to your rescue.'_

He'd believed with all of his heart that he wouldn't need any rescuing. The redhead had been very generous with her affection, and somewhere along the way she'd managed to surreptitiously relieve him of his weapons. It hadn't been until the first brother appeared that the situation had turned sour.

The redhead pulled the welcome mat out from underneath his feet faster than he could say, 'Crap he's a big boy!' There'd been some threats from the brother, he'd tried to apologize, then there were some more threats made by both the brother and then him, and he'd been feeling pretty good about the situation. That was when brothers two and three appeared.

He looked between brothers one and two and felt a stab of anger when he saw the sister with a blatantly smug look upon her previously angelic face. He didn't have time to dwell on it though as brother one took a step towards him that was so heavy the floor seemed to shake.

That was when everything came to a standstill at the sound of a gunshot followed immediately by a bottle breaking on one of the tables.

Everyone turned to the door to find Rodney holding his side arm in his hand, a wisp of smoke still surrounding the barrel.

"Back off," he said to the brothers, and just to dissuade them from trying anything he pointed his weapon squarely at the chest of the closest one.

When Rodney's eyes darted to him and he nodded, John moved swiftly to the table to retrieve his weapons- and to give the redhead a smug glare- and joined Rodney at the door, his own P-90 raised just in case.

"Let's go," he said to Rodney, and after Rodney vacated the premises he quickly followed suit.

They moved quickly through the village, and only when he thought they were safe did Sheppard break the silence. "Thanks."

Rodney shrugged. "It's what we do, isn't it? You have my back and I have yours."

John smiled and was about to respond when Rodney's next sentence killed the warm mood that had developed.

"Besides I knew you were going to get into trouble. I warned you, but did you listen? Nooooo! You just had to…"

A/N: "The Code" part one: "If Your Buddy's in Trouble, You've Got his Back."


	5. You've Never Made a Move

"What's wrong, McKay?" asked John as he sat down across from Rodney. His tray had barely made a sound when he'd placed it on the table, but Rodney had jumped as though someone had set off a Claymore right behind his ass.

"Nothing!" replied Rodney instantly and with far two much zeal for it to have been the truth. "What makes you think there's something wrong?"

"Well," drawled John as he pointed to Rodney's tray with his fork, "you haven't touched your food, which is sort of unusual for you." He lowered his fork and added, "Plus you nearly jumped out of your boxers when I put my tray on the table." John studied Rodney for a moment, his concern only increasing the longer Rodney stayed silent.

It wasn't until some laughter from off to the right drew a glance from Rodney did Sheppard start to put two and two together. He looked over as well and saw Cadman sitting with a few Marines. Despite his vociferous insistence that Cadman unnerved him, John knew Rodney liked her. A little at least.

"Go on, Rodney," he said as he stabbed the leather on his plate with his fork. "Talk to her."

Rodney shook his head, and before John could ask why not Rodney nodded towards the table. John looked over just in time to see Carson lean down to kiss Laura's cheek, and he understood immediately. Rodney McKay could be a loud mouthed, rat bastard that would do many things, but he'd never betray a friend like that.

Never.

A/N: "The Code" part one: You've Never Made a Move on Your Buddy's Girlfriend.


	6. You Know That on a Road Trip

Thank you all for the reviews. :)

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><p>"Are we there yet?"<p>

Rodney glanced up into the rearview mirror and gave Sheppard, who was sitting in the back seat on the passenger side of the rental car, as much of a heated glare as the small mirror could convey. Admittedly it wasn't much, but it was something. "Do it like we're there?"

'There' being Jeannie's house. And not for the first time since their little sojourn began, Rodney wondered what he'd been thinking when he'd invited John and Ronon to tag along.

Sheppard sighed and Ronon, seated next to John in the back seat, leaned forward to talk next to Rodney's right ear. "Better be soon."

Unperturbed by the not so subtle threat, Rodney only replied with, "Another hour at least."

"Rodney," groaned John as Ronon growled, "McKay."

"I believe we will soon need fuel for this car," interjected Teyla, her tone diplomatic as usual when the three of them were going at it. "Is that not so, Rodney?"

Rodney glanced down to the gauge to find it reading half full. "Soon," he replied cryptically.

Forty-five minutes later Rodney turned into a Shell station and pulled up to the pump. He'd barely had the key turned back to shut off the engine when Ronon bolted along one side of the car and Sheppard blazed along the other side, both on dead runs for the station.

Rodney slowly turned to Teyla and shrugged innocently when he saw her small smile. "I told them to go before we left."

A/N: "The Code" part one: "You Know That on a Road Trip the Strongest Bladder Determines the Pit Stops."


	7. You've Worn a Canoe as a Hat

A small follow up to the previous chapter.

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><p>"Thank you for allowing us to stay in your home," Teyla said as she took the plates from Jeannie's hands and carried them into the dining room. She placed the plates on the table and returned to the kitchen and said, "You have a very lovely home."<p>

"Oh believe me, it's my pleasure," replied Jeanne as she reached into the cupboard to retrieve some glasses. She placed them one by one on the counter and then turned to face Teyla. "It's been so nice having you around." A shout of laughter that could only have come from Sheppard had the two women sharing an eye roll. "Even if the three of them act more like boys than men. How do you do it?"

Teyla tiled her head and gave Jeannie a telling smile. "Some times require more patience than others. But they are my brothers and I care very much for each of them."

Jeannie smiled kindly at Teyla. "I can see that. They're very lucky to have you."

"We are all fortunate," Teyla amended just as John burst through the kitchen door with Rodney in hot pursuit.

"Teyla! You've got to see this!"

John thrust the object he'd had in his hands- an opened photo album- in front of Teyla and blocked Rodney from retrieving it by standing between him and Teyla.

Teyla looked at the photo and then turned her puzzled gaze to Rodney.

Rodney stopped struggling to get past Sheppard and sighed. "I was nine," he explained with a huff. "It was the only time I'd been near a canoe."

"I can see why, McKay," said Sheppard with a wide grin. "You're supposed to put it in the water and sit in it, not put it on your head!"

With that John sailed past Teyla before Rodney got over his sputtering and started the chase anew.

A/N: "The Code" part 3: "You've Worn a Canoe as a Hat."


	8. You Have a Hockey Scar Somewhere

Jennifer smiled as Rodney sighed contentedly. He was dead tired after working nonstop for almost thirteen hours. She'd been sitting on her bed when he'd come in and she'd patted the bed in front of her to tell him to sit. When he had, she'd pulled him back so that he was laying against her, his back to her stomach and his head resting strategically on her chest.

"I've been meaning to ask you about this for a long time," said Jennifer as her fingertips felt along the small ridge. She'd felt it the first time she'd run her hands through Rodney's hair months ago. It felt like a scar, about two inches long with a slight bend at the halfway point an inch above his right ear. It wasn't at all noticeable unless you knew exactly where it was or you felt his scalp.

She'd studied his medical charts and when she could find no mention in them about the scar she looked again. No matter how hard she looked she couldn't find out what it was.

Rodney said something, fatigue making it come out as little more than a sleepy mumble.

Jennifer leaned down as much as she was able and said, "What was that?"

"It's my hockey scar."

Jennifer couldn't help the little snicker that escaped her mouth, nor could she ignore the indignant huff from Rodney.

"I'm sorry, Rodney," she said with heartfelt remorse. "But I didn't think hockey would be your thing."

"It isn't," he replied. "Well, it is- I am Canadian, after all- but not to play."

"Then how…"

"I was walking along the street one day and got beaned by a road hockey puck shot by some little juvenile delinquent with rotten aim."

Jennifer laughed softly and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. "Now **that** is definitely your type of thing."

A/N: "The Code" part 2: "You Have a Hockey Scar Somewhere."


	9. Your Soap Smells Like Soap

"What is that smell?"

Everyone at the table- Lorne, Ronon and John- turned to Rodney, who had his head tilted back so that his nose was up in the air enough to take some investigative sniffs.

"I don't know," replied Sheppard, "but the saying says if you smelt it, you dealt it."

Rodney's head lowered so that he could look at Sheppard. "Ha-ha. What are you? Five?" Rodney sniffed the air again. "It smells like… coconut, maybe." He looked at Sheppard, but jutted his chin to towards Lorne. "And that was definitely a Lorne smell a few minutes ago."

Lorne coughed into his hand to hide his surprise and Sheppard grinned his agreement with Rodney.

"It's my soap," said Ronon after a moment.

All eyes turned to him, but it was Rodney who said, "You have coconut scented soap?"

Ronon nodded and Rodney shook his head in disbelief.

"I use jasmine scented body wash," said Lorne, and he shrugged when everyone looked at him with amazement in their eyes. "I like the smell, and the body wash works better than soap."

Everyone turned to look at Sheppard who squirmed a little in his seat. "Oatmeal. It was a gift."

Rodney snorted in amusement and John shot him a glare. "And what about you, oh mighty hygiene god? What does your soap smell like?"

Rodney got up from the table and gave the men seated at the table a once over. "Oddly enough, it smells like soap." He glanced at Ronon and said, "Not a fruit," then turned to Lorne and said, "or a flower," his eyes settled on Sheppard as he finished with, "or a breakfast cereal. It smells like soap."

A/N: "The Code" part 4: "Your Soap Smells Like Soap."


	10. You've Gotten Kicked Out of Somewhere

Hank Landry was a patient man. After all, one didn't rise to the rank of General in the United States Air Force without having the ability to be calm and tolerant. And it had served him very well indeed since assuming command of the SGC .

Yet as he sat in his very comfortable chair looking over to John Sheppard and his team, he found his patience wearing dangerously thin. They'd been standing in front of his desk for nearly seven- he glanced at the clock and the wall- make that eight minutes in complete and utter silence (except McKay who'd sat down after minute three), which was odd since he'd asked them eight minutes ago a question of some importance.

It was so important in fact, and his patience had become so worn, that it warranted repeating.

"What the hell happened?"

Silence greeted him, but he didn't miss the way that Sheppard, Teyla and Ronon all quickly glanced at Rodney.

"Alright," Landry said as he leaned back in his chair. "Colonel, you, Ronon and Teyla can go."

"Sir?" said Sheppard, surprise and concern obvious in his voice.

"I have something to discuss with Dr. McKay," Landry quietly said. "The rest of you can go get some lunch or something."

"With all due respect, sir," tried John, "this is my…"

"Colonel Sheppard," interrupted Landry, his voice low and filled with all the authority he wielded, "get out of my office please."

"Yes, sir," said John as he turned around and motioned for Ronon and Teyla to leave.

It was easily evident to Landry that neither of them was pleased with having to abandon McKay, a fact that he duly noted, but they hesitated only briefly before opening the door and leaving. He waited for the door to close before turning his attention back to McKay.

"Okay, Dr. McKay," said Landry, "can you tell me why seven state troopers and three sheriff's deputies brought you to my doorstep after hauling you out of a brawl?"

"Well off the top of my head I'd say they were afraid of Ronon."

"McKay…"

"And it wasn't exactly a brawl, as such. I mean…"

"McKay!"

"…there were only three of them and…"

"Dr. McKay!"

"…they only had half a brain cell between them…"

"MCKAY!"

"They insulted Teyla, alright!" exclaimed Rodney as he jumped up out of the chair. "They insulted her! She's a good friend. She's like a sister to me and they insulted her, and where I come from that's, you know, not good and I told them so."

"And?"

Rodney looked Landry in the eyes and said, "That's when we got kicked out of the bar, only the morons followed us outside and started harassing Teyla."

"And Ronon took a swing at one of them," Landry replied only to have Rodney roll his eyes at him.

"I did, actually. Why do people always assume that Conan…"

"You started it?" asked Landry.

"No," said Rodney slowly, as if he were talking to a child, "they started it."

A knock on the door kept Landry from saying what he'd meant to say. "Yes, Walter."

The door opened and Harriman walked in and handed a file to Landry. He looked at it for a moment and then looked up to Walter who simply shrugged.

"Well, Dr. McKay," said Landry as he focused on Rodney. "Looks like there won't be any charges so you're off the hook. The only catch is neither of you are allowed into that bar again or any of the other three establishments the owner runs."

Rodney snorted in amusement. "No great loss there."

Landry handed the file back to Harriman and said, "Thank you, Walter."

"Yes, sir," replied Walter as he headed towards the door.

Landry looked at McKay and asked, "Did they get the ass kicking they deserved?"

The right side of Rodney's mouth edged upward to display a smug smirk. "Did they ever."

Landry stifled a laugh and nodded. "Dismissed, Doctor." He watched the scientist leave and felt his respect level for McKay edge up a notch, as well as his respect for Woolsey for having to deal with him and his team on a daily basis.

A/N: "The Code" part two: "You've gotten kicked out of somewhere."


	11. You're Proud to Know a Girl

I made up a hockey player in this one. He doesn't exist and is not based upon any particular hockey player.

This one's for you Ice. She really loves her some Chuck…

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><p>Amelia sighed and gave Chuck another 'I'm gonna roundhouse kick you in the face if you don't give it the hell up' glare. It had been at least the fourth time in the past five minutes or so that he'd burst out laughing at whatever was on his screen. He'd been so focused on the screen, in fact, that all of her glowers had been unnoticed by their intended target.<p>

_Enough is enough, _she decided as Chuck chuckled once more. She secured her station and silently crept towards Chuck until she could surreptitiously read over his shoulder. She'd barely gotten three words in when he spoke.

"It's an email from a friend of mine," he informed her, blissfully aware of the fact that a thoroughly pissed off woman was behind him and not, as he'd thought, his very good friend Amelia. "She's telling me how she hooked up with Dabney Horsely while his team was in town."

"Who?" blurted out Amelia, forgetting the fact that she was mad at Chuck. The name sounded slightly familiar…

Chuck turned around and gave her a wide-eyed 'I can't believe you' look. "Only the best hockey player in the NHL right now!" he exclaimed. He turned back to his email and sighed happily. "Good for her."

"So they're together?" asked Amelia after deciding to punish him later for his look.

Chuck wildly shook his head. "One night thing."

"So what's the big deal?"

Chuck pushed some buttons on his console and stood up. Once again he gave her **the** look. "She scored with the best hockey player in the world, Banks," he said with a humungous smile. "That's really something."

Before she could formulate a suitable response to his ridiculousness, Chuck tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I'm taking my break. You're in charge."

It took her precisely five seconds to realize that Chuck had just talked to her like she was his subordinate, and by the time she whirled around to give him a piece of her mind he was gone.

"Damned crazy Canuck," she muttered as she went back to her station with plans of epic revenge already forming in her mind.

A/N: "The Code" part 2: "You're Proud to Know a Girl Who Got Jiggy with a Pro Hockey Player"


	12. You Appreciate a Woman

There's a little innuendo in this one. I didn't think it was enough to warrant a boot upward in the rating, but if anyone feels otherwise let me know.

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><p>"What the hell are you wearing?"<p>

Deflated by Rodney's question, the smile dropped from Laura's lips and her arms, which had been held out to allow Rodney a complete and unfettered view of her, fell to her sides.

She'd been looking for a way to surprise Rodney for nearly an hour, knowing he'd be in a sour mood after finally being released from a twelve hour, and ultimately unnecessary, quarantine. She'd been sure she'd found the perfect surprise in the garment she'd found tucked into a bag in the back of his closet.

She looked down at the oversized shirt and then looked up into Rodney's eyes. She tried to ignore the look of loathing on his face and said, "I sort of thought I'd surprise you." Finally getting tired of the discomfort she was feeling under his intense glare, Laura put her hands on her hips and said, "Looks like it worked!"

Rodney quickly shook his head and finally looked away from the crest on the oversized hockey jersey Laura was wearing. "Well you're wearing a Boston Bruins' jersey!" he exclaimed as though it explained everything. "I'm a Canuck's fan, Cadman!" He pointed to the large 'B' on the jersey and said, "Boston beat Vancouver for the cup a couple of years ago! It was a gift from Sheppard to rub it in!"

Laura sighed and took a few steps towards Rodney, the bottom hem of the jersey gently rubbing against the front of her naked thighs. "I realize that, Rodney," she said sweetly. For one reason or another that she'd swear on a stack of Bibles had nothing to do with Rodney, she'd become a fan of the game in recent years. She leaned in close to Rodney and gave him a gentle kiss, then moved away from him. She made her way towards the bedroom and when the door slid open she stopped and turned towards him. "What you're not realizing…" she said as she slowly raised her arms above her head and then leaned to the left and then to the right to stretch out the muscles in her sides. She ignored the sudden draft she felt and moaned as her arms lowered. "…Is that it's the **only** thing I'm wearing."

His understanding of the situation was immediate and before she knew it he was holding her in his arms and planting the most intense kiss upon her that she'd ever felt.

A/N: "The Code" part 3: "You Appreciate a Woman Who's into Sports."


	13. You Know the Sippy Cup Lid

"What the hell is that, McKay?"

Rodney looked up to find Ronon and John staring at him. John's face betrayed confusion mixed with disbelief at what he was seeing, while Ronon simply looked confused. They both held identical beer filled glasses in their hands.

Rodney followed their gaze down to the leak proof cover he'd put over his glass. He'd learned the hard way over the years that people genuinely liked tipping over his drink during movie nights, no matter where he'd put it. It had gotten on his nerves, but the breaking point had been last week: he'd put his glass between his legs and had gotten to the end of the movie without incident when someone- he still hadn't figured out who- bumped into Jennifer as she'd been getting up and knocked her down onto his lap. It was one thing to get him dirty, but for Jennifer to have to try to explain how she'd gotten her ass wet was something else.

"It's insurance," replied Rodney with a smirk.

"Insurance?" asked John. He gave Ronon a wink as he said, "Looks like a baby bottle…"

Just at that moment two of the Athosian children barreled into the room at top speed. And while their velocity was impressive, their navigational skills were suspect.

Before John could finish his sentence the two young men collided with him, making his knees buckle and causing his right hand- the one holding his glass- to jerk upwards sending the golden liquid within it right straight into his face and an ungodly speed.

After John had finished sputtering and wiping the beer from his face, Rodney- his smile as wide as the Cheshire Cat's- held up his own lid topped glass and said, "Would you like one?"

A/N: "The Code" part 3: "You Know the Sippy Cup Lid isn't as Dumb as it Sounds."


	14. You've Overcome Bad Directions

"For the last time," grated the driver with admirable restraint, "we are **not** lost!"

He could see the two passengers in the back seat exchange unsure glances in the rear view mirror, but thankfully neither Teyla nor Ronon spoke.

Rodney glanced to his right to find Jennifer studying the hastily drawn map she was holding in her hand. He'd turned on the interior lights when she'd asked him to so she could try to make sense of the map. That had been an hour earlier.

Teyla leaned forward from her place in the rear behind Jennifer and placed her hand on his shoulder. "It is dark and we are all unfamiliar with this territory."

Rodney would have sighed or rolled his eyes if it had been anyone but Teyla or Jennifer pointing out those blatantly obvious facts. As it was he nodded and said, "I know." He paused for a moment and then motioned out the windshield with a nod. "But we're here."

He brought the car to a stop and turned off the engine. Fifty feet in front of them a party was in full swing at the Sheppard family cottage, with people milling about and music blaring from inside.

Rodney, Jennifer, Teyla and Ronon got out of the car and surveyed the scene. It wasn't until John finally noticed them and waved them over did Teyla and Ronon move towards the party leaving Rodney and Jennifer standing next to the car.

Rodney looked over to Jennifer, and seeing her frown deeply at the map she still clutched in her hands he asked, "What's wrong?"

She looked at him and then held the map up between them. "How did you figure this out?" she asked, her voice filled with exasperation. "I've gone over each and every line a hundred times and still have no idea how you found it!"

Rodney shrugged then put his arm around her shoulder. "I remembered that Sheppard drew the map," he said with a smirk, "and then tried to think like him."

As Jennifer laughed Rodney's free hand moved up to rub his temple and he said, "Now my head hurts."

A/N: "The Code" part 4: "You've Overcome Bad Directions to Find Your Friend's Cottage."


	15. You've Cooked with a Flashlight

Jeannie walked into the kitchen and was surprised to find only her daughter and husband. "Where are Meredith and Laura?"

Kaleb looked up from setting the table and gave her a smirk. "They're out on the deck putting the new barbecue he bought us to use."

Jeannie had to work very hard to keep from laughing at the disapproval in Kaleb's voice at the thought of owning a barbecue, but somehow she'd managed it nicely. "I see."

She looked out the window and then looked back to Kaleb. "How come the light isn't on out there?"

"It blew last week," he answered as he handed Madison another napkin. "Remember?"

She did, and now she was concerned. "They're out there cooking on a barbecue…a gas barbecue…in the dark?"

Kaleb nodded and her stomach started to dance the way it usually did when she thought something bad was going to happen to Madison.

"My brother," she gasped as she pointedly pointed out the window, "is out there in the dark using a barbecue?"

"Yes."

The queasiness in her stomach intensified, and out of habit she glanced to the fridge to make sure the emergency numbers were still securely fastened to the fridge via one of Madison's Mickey Mouse magnets. Not that she needed the list. She'd memorized the numbers years ago, but Kaleb didn't have the memory she did and Madison was so young, and there was always the possibility that someone unfamiliar with the area would need the numbers…

"Jeannie?"

Her vision snapped back into focus and she turned to look at the person who'd just called to her. "What?"

Rodney's eyes narrowed as though he thought she'd lost her mind. He held up a plate filled with perfectly cooked wieners and steaks and said, "It's ready."

She felt her jaw drop a little, though she was powerless to stop it. She stayed rooted to her spot as her brother crossed the kitchen with Laura in tow and placed the plate onto the counter.

When he turned back and noticed her staring he said somewhat crossly, "What?"

"You cooked!" she exclaimed with a soft voice of disbelief. Her arm once again pointed to the window. "Out there in the dark," her arm lowered and indicated the food, "and it looks good!"

Rodney rolled his eyes, but it was Laura who answered for him. She snaked her left arm around his waist and gave Jeannie a wide smile. "You wouldn't believe what your brother can do with a little motivation," she held up her right hand to show her what she was holding, "and a flashlight."

A/N: "The Code" part four: You've Cooked with a Flashlight.


	16. You Think Hockey Tape Can Fix Anything

Amelia could recall the exact moment that she'd first experienced what some of the more experienced techs called a Chix.

It was her first day on the job in the Control Room. As a matter of fact, she'd only been sitting at her station for less than five minutes when she'd first noticed it.

She had been curious when she'd seen the strip of black cloth like tape on her console and before she'd known what she was doing she was scraping at it with her fingernail, only to have the man himself- Chuck- exclaim as only Chuck could that the piece of black tape she was trying to remove was holding the insulated cover to the console in place until a more permanent solution could be arranged.

It hadn't been until after her shift had ended that she'd been informed that she'd seen a Chix- a Chuck fix.

"What's up, Banks?"

Amelia turned and smiled at Chuck as he assumed the station next to hers. She motioned around the Control Room and her voice was nearly musical with amusement as she said, "I was just remembering my first Chix."

Chuck's amusement manifested itself as a slight snort. "Chix. Sounds like a breakfast cereal or something."

Amelia grinned and said, "It seems like everywhere I look I can see some of that stuff holding something together or covering something." Indeed, she'd seen it holding chairs together and panels together, she'd seen it used for labeling and seen it covering things that weren't to be touched. She'd seen it doing things that hockey tape shouldn't have been used for, even if it more than did the job.

Chuck shrugged and said, "What can I say? MacGyver had his duct tape," he reached into his pocket and pulled out a roll of hockey tape for Amelia to see, "and I have my hockey tape." He leaned back in his chair and a contented smile appeared on his face. "Would you believe that one day during basic training I had to use this stuff as a belt to keep my pants from falling down around my ankles?"

Amelia paused for a moment and imagined a younger Chuck wearing combat fatigues being held up with nothing but black hockey tape. "Yes," she replied after a moment, "yes I would believe that."

A/N: "The Code" part 2- "You Think Hockey Tape Can Fix Anything."

A/N2: It can.


	17. You Know the Last Box

Rodney leaned to his left and then to his right to stretch his aching sides, not bothering at all to attempt to suppress the moans of discomfort escaping from his mouth.

When he finally found enough relief from the aches and pains of having helped Sheppard move into his new quarters, he straightened up and looked over to where Sheppard and Ronon stood side by side watching him with amused looks on their faces.

"What?" Rodney demanded. He pointed at them and said, "Never mind!"

Rodney looked around his friend's new, bigger living quarters and sighed at the surprising lack of free space. "Where the hell did you get all of this crap?"

"Hey!" blurted Sheppard defensively, as Rodney's eyes had settled upon his incredibly large collection of Johnny Cash albums when he'd spoken. He quickly moved over to stand between his prized collection and Rodney and glared at the scientist. "We do get personal item allotments, Rodney," he drawled in explanation. "Besides, being the senior officer on base has its advantages."

Rodney looked to Ronon who shrugged his shoulders and then turned back to Sheppard, and seeing that the Colonel was about to open one of the boxes he yelled, "Stop!"

Sheppard jumped away from the box and growled, "You scared the crap out me, Rodney! What the…?"

Instead of answering Sheppard Rodney moved out of the room and came back inside a moment later carrying one more box. He opened the box and removed one of the twelve bottles inside and tossed it to Ronon who easily snagged the bottle in mid-air. He took out two more bottles and handed one to Sheppard and kept the other to himself.

Sheppard twisted the top off the bottle and took a healthy swig of his favorite beer, and after licking his lips he looked to Rodney and gave him an appreciative nod. "How did you get this, McKay?"

Rodney smiled as he opened his own bottle. "Let's just say there are some perks to being the head of the science and research department of this base."

A/N: "The Code" part 4: "You Know the Last Box in is the First to Get Unpacked."


	18. You've Grown a Beard in the Postseason

Amelia looked over the gate diagnostics for the second time in as many hours, out of habit and to make sure there was nothing in the readings that would give McKay an excuse to blow up- like he needed an excuse- or give Woolsey a reason to give the techs more paperwork to do- like he needed a reason.

She found nothing irregular, just as she'd done the first time, and closed the diagnostics and sent the report to McKay and Woolsey just as Chuck collapsed into his seat to her left.

Out of habit she glanced over at her late comrade and looked back to her station. It took two seconds for her to realize something was off with Chuck and she quickly turned back to look at him. His hair was a mess, sticking off enough to challenge Colonel Sheppard for the title of "Messiest Hairdo" and he hadn't shaved…at least not completely.

"You okay, Chuck?" she asked with genuine concern. She could count on one finger- yes one finger- the number of times she'd seen Chuck come to work without having shaved.

He nodded and then covered his mouth with his hand as he yawned. "Late night."

"Oh," replied Banks and then she smiled. "Hot date?"

Chuck shook his head. "Hockey playoffs. A couple of games came through with yesterday's SGC update data squirt. I was up all night watching them."

Amelia smiled and shook her head at Chuck. "I'll never understand you and your fascination with hockey."

Chuck simply smiled at her, unwilling to indulge her in yet another discussion about the merits of hockey.

"At least that explains why you didn't shave," she said after she realized he wasn't taking the bait.

Chuck rubbed his face and said, "I did shave."

Amelia's brow crunched together as she gave him another look. "You must really be tired then 'cause you missed a big spot around your chin."

Chuck's fingers slipped from his bare cheek to his stubbly chin. "Oh…that's my playoff beard."

Amelia fought back the laughter that wanted to erupt so she could ask, "What?"

"It's tradition," explained Chuck as he powered up his workstation. "Players and fans grow playoff beards while their teams are in the playoffs. Usually it's the full beard, but I can't do that here so I'm going with the goatee."

"O…k," said Amelia hesitantly. "Another reason to think hockey is weird." She sized up his chin again and said, "That explains why it only looks like a five o'clock shadow if you only started today." She looked back to her screen and started to get the new dialing program up for some trial runs when she saw out of the corner of her eye that Chuck was rubbing his chin again and that he had the saddest look on his face that she'd ever seen. She turned towards him again and asked, "What's the matter?"

"Nothing," Chuck mumbled as his hand dropped onto the console.

"Chuck," she said warningly.

Chuck mumbled something that she couldn't catch and she gave him a glare to tell him so.

He sighed and said just loud enough for her to hear him, "I started it four days ago."

Amelia leaned a little closer to him and when she spoke her voice was incredulous. "Four days?"

When Chuck nodded Amelia smiled. Then she snickered. A few moments later she giggled. A few moments after that she laughed, and continued laughing until tears started to roll down her cheeks and stopped only when she couldn't breath.

Once she'd quieted down Chuck, with eyebrow raised questioningly, handed her a tissue and asked, "All done?"

Amelia wiped the tears from her eyes and squeaked out, "For now."

A/N: "The Code" part 1: "You've Grown a Beard in the Postseason."


	19. You've Turned Down a Booty Call

I know the situation I've described doesn't exactly qualify as the post-season, but it's close enough. ;) No beta so I'm sorry.

* * *

><p>Chuck walked into the main rec room of Atlantis balancing within his steady grasp the refreshment of choice for those assembled within the room: beer.<p>

He set the large pitcher on the table in front of the massive plasma screen and then turned to look at his fellow revelers.

"Okay," he said as seriously as he was able, furrowed brow and crossed arms adding to the effect. "I don't want any crap going on between us tonight. We're here as hockey fans, and I don't want any sore winners or losers." He pointed to the group of Canadians to his left and said, "Right?" When all the Canucks nodded he pointed to the group of Americans to his right. "Right?" The Americans all nodded and mumbled their assent and Chuck eyed both groups warily. His eyes then swept over the rest of the faces in the room, those of neutral countries in this little ice war and loudly asked, "Right?" There were murmurs of agreement and Chuck nodded.

When he'd been approached a week earlier about getting the men's Olympic ice hockey game between Canada and the United States in the today's data squirt he wasn't sure if he wanted to. The last time a hockey game had been shown featuring the rival countries six people had ended up in the Infirmary with minor injuries of different kinds, including him despite the fact that he'd been the one trying to stop the fight and not partaking in it.

And the way Corporal Baines nodded and pointedly pointed to Dr. Phillips gave him a very bad feeling indeed.

Still, he knew it was going to be a hell of a hockey game.

He was just about to turn around and start the game when a sultry voice filtered through his comm. 'Chuck?'

The breathy tone of her voice immediately set the short hairs on the back of his neck on end. He swallowed hard before answering. "Yes?"

'I'm all alone in my quarters, Chuck,' she drawled, innuendo deepening her voice to a level that started his blood burning. There was the smallest of sighs followed by, 'And I don't want to be.'

"I," he stopped when he'd discovered his mouth was drier than the Sahara. He could imagine her lying on her stomach on the bed, the light shining off her toned calves as she languorously moved her legs up and down as though she were swimming. He liked his lips and tried again. "I…"

'I'm waiting for you, Chuckalicious.'

The soft click following her pet name for him signaled the end of the conversation, as one-sided as it was.

He involuntarily took a step towards the door and stopped when his eyes fell upon the mass of people looking at him expectantly. He looked towards the exit, back to the tv, then to the people and back to the exit. He sighed and started towards the door when someone, having become impatient and no longer willing to wait for him, turned on the tv and Chuck came to an abrupt halt when he heard the announcer say: _This is it folks. A rematch of the gold medal game from the last Olympics and let me tell you, these players have been waiting a long time for this game and so have we._

Chuck looked forlornly at the door and a slight whimper passed his lips as he turned around and made his way to the front where a seat was reserved for him. He sat down and accepted the glass of cold beer that was passed to him. As he took a healthy swig of the brew and the game started on the screen, he wondered if she would ever forgive him enough to call him like that again.

A/N: "The Code" part two: "You've Turned Down a Booty Call in the Post Season."


End file.
